IMPORTANCE OF A HEALTHY BABY-PARENT ATTACHMENT
“Attachment is a deep and enduring bond that connects one person to another across time and space “ ( Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1969)
“The child’s tendency to seek closeness to a primary caregiver and feel secure when a person is present - a tendency that develops when a child is given consent , warm, and responsive attention by the caregiver during the first year of life . In 1940s Bowlby referred to this phenomenon as attachment. […]. To lack this special bond with a primary care giver puts a child’s life long emotional and social success at risk”. (Frances M. Carlson)
Babies form three types of attachments with their primary caregivers and all subsequent attachments in life will be following this early model.
When the caregiver consistently responds to and meets the child’s needs, the child forms a positive, secure emotional attachment that makes him feel confident in exploring the world around knowing that he will always find the refuge in this parent. These babies grow happy and form trusting relationships.
When the parent is inconsistent in the response to the baby’s cries and needs, the child forms an ambivalent attachment. This is perhaps a reflection of the baby-boom generation‘s attitude of “don’t spoil the baby” . This children are given confusing messages about their worth and trust abilities. As a result, they grow jealous , show intense emotional ups and downs and tend to attract people that are unable to be close. ( T.Allen)
When the child’s needs are constantly being neglected and they are physically rejected by their caregivers and not allowed to express their emotions or even being punished for doing so , they form an avoidant attachment. Learning that expressing distress could lead to danger ( mother gets angry or abusive) , avoidant infants tend to tune people out and focus more on self soothing behaviors, like excessive rocking , masturbation, nail biting etc which later on may turn into violence and abusiveness towards their own children and hate towards society. They loose trust, selfworths and self-confidence. This constant anxiety and insecurity manifest physically in eating problems, sleeping disorders, illnesses, nightmares, headaches, stomachaches, stuttering etc
“When parents do not satisfy their children’s needs for closeness and comfort, these needs do not go away. Rather they get staked out through the back door.” ( S. Heller) Children can become careless, violent, display excessive fears and even invite physical abuse , if that’s the only way they can feel body contact. They tend to have lower self esteem, lack of self-control, neediness and to regress under stress.( S. Heller, Frances Carlson)
There is a tremendous amount of research going on about the impact of the strong attachment to the parent or a caregiver and the damaging effect of the lack of it in a long term. At Minnesota University, the scientists were able to predict by age 3 if the child will drop out of high school with 77 % accuracy using the theory of attachment. The way you respond to your child's needs, especially when the child is in distress, it is the blue print of the child's ability to trust people and himself in the long run . I strongly recommend parents to do their research in the area now. Once the child starts school it becomes too late. I am not saying that there will be nothing to do about it, yes it will, but much more difficult.
Infant massage is a great, practical tool in establishing an essential secure attachment as it satisfies the primary need for touch , for “good touch “. This is a special , quality time for parents to carefully tune in and recognize their babies needs and feelings so they can learn how to promptly and properly respond , so the baby can feel loved, secure, happy and grow healthy with competent and confident parents.
